The 3 Secrets to Effective Time Investment by Elizabeth Grace Saunders

Author:Elizabeth Grace Saunders
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: McGraw-Hill Education
Published: 2013-04-17T04:00:00+00:00

The 3E Technique

Just as we discussed retraining your mind so that you can affirm and show compassion toward yourself, you can choose to discipline your thought patterns to respond more kindly toward others. If you grew up in a family where you received constant criticism, intentionally reforming your thought patterns will take an immense amount of effort. But it will be worth it. You can’t control what happened to you in the past, but you can decide to stop the vicious cycle and make the future different.

Also, it’s important to note that you can’t prevent all critical thoughts from entering your mind. But what you can do is choose whether you accept them as truth or question your critical thoughts toward someone else. The following 3E technique can help you to process critical thoughts and help you to determine whether you have realistic expectations of others:

• Empathize. In this first step, you try to see the situation from the other person’s point of view. You could ask yourself and, if appropriate, ask the person directly:

What challenges does the person face?

What weaknesses does the person have?

What people or things might have stood in the person’s way?

What might I not know that could make a difference in how I perceive the situation?

• Evaluate. In this second step, you evaluate your standards and see if they are appropriate and realistic. You could think through questions such as:

Is what the person did truly a matter of right or wrong, good or bad, or is it simply a matter of preference?

If I had been facing similar pressures and circumstances, could I have responded in a similar fashion?

Am I actually in a close enough relationship with the person that I have the authority to evaluate his or her actions?

Are my standards based on perfectionist tendencies?

• Encourage. If you do find yourself in a position where feedback is appropriate, such as being a boss or parent, you should think through what approach would encourage the correct behavior and build the relationship:

How can I maintain a positive attitude toward the person and help him or her learn from mistakes and disappointments?

What should I refrain from saying?

What sort of feedback will the person find most motivating? Does he or she respond best to praise for positive behavior or penalties for negative behavior?

Could I assist the person in overcoming some of the barriers he or she faces either by offering personal help or by enlisting other support?

Practice the 3E technique on a regular basis, and you’ll soon find that you can respond in a calmer, more compassionate manner to those around you. If you would like to do more in-depth learning in this area, check out How to Win Friends and Influence People or Crucial Confrontations.

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